Blogging is the last thing on my mind.  To be sure, I will be blogging like crazy in those cold winter months.  But for now, I will submit a short post to let everyone know I am too busy having fun to sit for long time in my office.

I do hope everyone is taking advantage of the great weather and I still encourage all to:

• get some exercise
• eat healthier
• get the sleep your need
• get the playtime you need
• read the “Love Dare”  book to learn how to really love
• make more memories with the ones you love

Fall is a great time to make family memories and get some exercise.  The harvest is in with all sort of fruits and veggies to make you healthy.  It is getting darker and cooler at night making it easier to get a good amount of quality sleep.

The great weather beckons.

These things really work and because they do, laundry is not as big of a hassle.  These sheets save time, water, and electricity.  I did wash whites with reds that ran.  The whites stayed white and the color catchers were pink from the reds running.  They are amazing.

http://www.rosemond.com/81809.html

I admit it.  I bring the the granola bars covered with chocolate and the not so juicy fruit drinks.  The upset soccer mom is right.  It is not logical to have your kids playing soccer (good for the health) and reward them with junk food.  But here are my reasons for not being mad about it:

1. When my kids eat, they want to talk.  Having a conversation over a treat is not intimidating and the kids talk more freely.  I enjoy those after the game talks when my kids are happy from exercise, fresh air, and a snack.
2. They get a variety of treats.  They get to try new food.   Food they would not get at home.
3. Hospitality.  My kids love bringing the treats.  They like doing something special for their teammates.  It makes them feel important.  They are contributing to the team.
4. For some teams, it is a time to socialize after the game while they snack.  Providing an opportunity to get to know their teammates.
5. My kids already consider me one of the “food police”.  Ask them and they will tell you mom hates junk food because it is a bunch of calories with zero nutritional value.  My kids do not get pop as an everyday thing.  Chips might come into the house once every two months.  They do not know what fried food is.  Ice cream is for summer only.  No kool-ade.  No drink boxes.  No sports’ drinks.  No white bread at the dinner table.  No donuts in the morning.  Candy is for Halloween and Christmas.   No eating and watching TV.  After sports’ practices they are “rewarded” with water or 1% milk (with chocolate drink mix.  I can compromise).
6. It is an opportunity to trade and share.  Sometimes my kids will trade snacks with each other or (gasp) share them.  They will share them with me also.
7. I try to teach my kids to choose better food most of the time.  I also teach them that junk food every once in a while is not a bad thing.  I talk to my daughter about trade-offs and portion sizes.  Eat lots of the good stuff (fruits, veggies, lean proteins) and a little bit of the not so nutritional stuff (high in sugar and fat).  So on soccer game day the only “junk food” my kids get are the after game snacks.  The rest of the day will be lean meat, fruit, water, milk, and salad.
8. I encourage them to be active.  The soccer only happens twice a week in the spring in our rural area.  That is not the only exercise they get.  When they were elementary age and younger, we went to the bike path at least 5 times a week where they walked, ran, biked, roller bladed, and scooter-ed.  In the summer they went to the bike path and spent at least 2 hours a day for 5 days a week at the pool.  Now they do sports like cross country running, basketball, wrestling, and track.
9. I grew up in the atmosphere the mad soccer mom is complaining about.  Food as reward.  Food as comfort.  Food at every occasion.  Sugary cereals.  Fried food and buttered up veggies.  I have fond memories of family gatherings and great tasting food.  When it is cold out I want hot chocolate.  When I am with family during the holidays I do not care about the nutritional value of the food.  When my kids have friends over pizza, pop, and brownies are on the menu.  When visiting mom I get to enjoy all those wonderful smells of sausage stuffing, fried chicken, baked potatoes with home made country gravy, and bacon.  That is the only time.  Ask my kids.  The only time they get to enjoy food like that is at grandma’s.  My husband will tell you that too.  Most of the time the daily routine is to choose healthier foods.  Special occasions are for splurging on the great-tasting-yet-not-so-good-for-you kind of foods.  I consider the soccer game an occasion.
10. My kids would play soccer even if they did not get the snacks afterwards.  They love soccer.  So if the soccer moms (me excluded) battled it out and decide to trash the snack idea I can live with it and so can my kids.

It was  a difficult beginning to the week.  I was stressed.  My kids were stressed.  I have a tendency to bark orders at them and not hear them out when I am like this.  One evening I realized how I was sounding to my kids and felt regret for my behavior.  Being demanding, impatient, and judgemental are not good parenting tools.  It makes the kids feel like they are “burdens” instead of “blessings”.

The next day was better.  I used  my manners.  I used listening and reinforcing skills.  I scheduled in more time for them to be prepared for school the next day.  The kids felt loved and the evening was nice.

I was reading my Bible today in 2 Corinthians where Paul talks about treating the Corinthians with kindness,  understanding, and patience.  These are virtues I expect my kids to have so I had better be practicing these virtues in my relationships with them.

Kindness.  Understanding.  Patience.   K.U.P. of love for my kids.  For my “blessings”.

When my kids were elementary school age  and younger I kept them busy in the summer.    They had swim lessons and went to the pool.  Played at the parks.  Participated in the library’s reading programs.  Went on walks (they would also ride bikes and scooters).  They attended more than one Vacation Bible School.  They played t-ball, softball, and baseball.  I taught them how to read and worked with them on math using flashcards.  We went on vacations that involved camping or theme parks.  We were always on the go and sometimes had a special project for the summer.

One summer, we did an animal craft project every week to learn each letter of the alphabet.  Another summer we worked on manners.  They had summers where they took crafts, cooking, nature, or tai kwan do classes.

All that has changed.  The oldest works during the summer and this year he is heading off to college.  My almost 14-year-old prefers his own schedule of mowing lawns for money, playing video games, and running (about 3 miles a day).  My 12-year-old still likes to go to the pool.  She also likes to talk to friends on-line, sleep in,  and watch TV.

I really tried to let them do their own thing this summer.  The oldest stayed busy with work and still had time to be with friends.  However, my other two spent too much time playing video games and watching TV.  They are getting grumpy.  They are in a rut.

They need school.  The routine.  The sports.  The academics.  The music.  The classmates.  I will miss them and with school comes stress, but I know it is the best thing for them.  For their minds.

• We will be having kids  attending college for the next ten years.  We want to try to get them through without them or us getting into debt with college expenses.
• When our kids are out of the house and out of college we want financial freedom to pursue some other dreams like missions.
• We are going to need new (although used) vehicles.  Son needs a car and our vans are getting a lot of mileage.
• The heating/AC system for the house will need to be replaced in at least 1 to 2 years.
• Someday we want to do some updating in the house.  (Really not expecting this to happen for quite a long time.)

I have tried several budgeting systems and have failed at all of them.  Nothing wrong with the systems.  I am not good at keeping track of spending.  After looking at our monthly income and expenses I decided it is doable to save and avoid getting into more debt and maybe to even pay off a chunk of it.  It is going to take discipline on my part.  That is where the ten dollars a day comes in.

Ten dollars a day is not much, but it is enough to make me prioritize needs and get creative.  I live in an area that does not have a Wal-Mart or grocery stores with double coupon days and heavy discounted specials.  Coupon clipping and comparing does not work in this area.  So just limiting what I can spend on food and family and household essentials will have to do.

The ten dollars a day does not include expenses like school supplies, make-up, entertainment, pet food, fuel, auto costs, and doctors visits.  It applies only to food we eat at home and things like soap, shampoo, detergents, paper towels, etc… But if I stick with the ten dollars a day I will be able to save to cover those extra costs, go out to eat occasionally, other activities, and entertainment.

I am blogging this self-imposed “ten dollars a day challenge” to keep myself accountable and to hopefully post some great tips on saving money.

Children understand the power their misbehavior has in public.  Mom will take me out of the situation I did not want to be in the first place if I just act up a bit, or maybe she will give me what I want if I cry, or she will pay attention to me instead of talking to others if I act goofy.

I once took my youngest through the whole store screaming.  She even screamed and cried at the checkout.  It was nerve-racking.  Everyone was staring.  I knew what they were thinking.  ”Can’t she control her child?”   “Doesn’t she realize she is disturbing the customers?”  ”Will you please make her shut up.”  ”When I am a mom my child will never behave like that in public.”

I gritted my teeth and stayed focused.  My little one wanted something she could not have and it made her mad.   She did not want to be told “no”.  Which is my right as a mom by the way.  So she started screaming to get her way.  I knew this was going to be a spectacle, but I was ready for it.  I projected to the future when I had to bring her to the store again and had to say “no” again.  One of the ladies at the checkout asked what was wrong with her.  I told her she is acting like this because she is not getting what she wanted.

My daughter never did that in a store again.  She realized it had no effect on me.  If I had given in just to please the people around me, my daughter would have pulled the exact same thing again when I had to tell her “no”.

If you do not like your child’s behavior, do not give in to it.

I think every parent should take a psychology class and learn about behavior and conditioning.  Our babies seem to get it right away.  If I cry, mom will feed me, change my diaper, or hold me.  This is good when they are babies.  Bad when they are toddlers.  We parents fall for it and even condition our kids to continue unwanted behavior.

There will be times when our kids do not understand how they should act and sometimes their behavior will be a result of really not knowing how to correctly respond in a situation.  They may be goofy because they are nervous.  They may seem rude when they are just being shy.  They may have learned a new “word” from a friend that they thought would be “cool” to try out with an audience.   These situations call for understanding and patience.  Do not berate them in public and blame them for what other people think.  Most people will judge and not be understanding.  Forget about them and try to genuinely understand why your child is acting like that.

Be proactive.  Teach your children manners.  Practice how to react appropriately to social situations and remind them their behavior can have negative or positive consequences for them personally.  Sometimes kids just need to know what to expect and have some practice at it.

Elizabeth Elliot taught her kids “quiet time.”  She conditioned them to be quiet when she told them it was “quiet time.”  She started at home by having them sit on the couch with a quiet activity while she took a break to relax and have her quiet time.  When they were old enough (around ages 1 to 2 years old) to sit in church, her children sat and listened quietly.

If my kids get a certain look from me in public, they know they had better stop whatever they are doing.  They know I will not get on them there, but there will be consequences when they get home.  When they were younger they would get “the look” while I signed “n-0″ with my hand.  I do not have to sign anymore because they know “the look”.

If my kid is arguing with me in public, I will stop talking, stand still, and look right into their face with the expression that says “you are getting no where by arguing with me and if you choose to continue you will lose some or all privileges (video games, phone, computer, and TV).  Most of the time my kids will stop arguing with me right there and start praying that I will forget the whole incident when we get back to the van.  The point is: do not try to pull a power play with mom in public.  You will never get your way.

Kids have a natural skill to pull you into an argument by saying “tell me why I can’t have this or can’t do this.”  I will not give them an answer if we are in public, because they will not accept my explanation.  Instead they will use it to prove to their friends that “mom does not have a good reason” or to continue arguing their point.  Since I am already the bad guy I just say “no” one more time and walk away from the situation.  Kids do not like to back down in front of their peers so “the look” is not going to work with their friends around.   If my kids ask for something when their friends are around I try to hold off the discussion until we are not around their friends by saying “I will discuss this with you when we get home.”  Then the peer pressure is off and we discuss it without argument.

If  I have to say “no” to something I try to say “yes” to something else when their attitude is better.  I may say no to Dairy Queen because of budget, but then I might go to the grocery store and get something cheaper and take them to the park to enjoy a treat.  If I have to say no to an outing with a friend for safety reasons, I will say yes to doing a safer alternative activity with a friend.  I have my reasons for saying no, but I want my kids to have a great time being kids so I consider why I say no and try to find a solution that I can say yes to.

I am grateful Dr. James Dobson taught about conditioning and behavior.  It has made parenting easier and the teen years less volatile so far.  I hope you stick with it during those embarrassing moments when your child is using bad behavior to get their way.  Forget about the onlookers and do not give in.